I’ve been engaged for a few months, and with all the wedding planning my fiancé and I have been doing, there’s a part of me that dreams about the life I will have once I walk down the aisle. Lately, the most dominant part of the dream in my heart is the desire to be a mom.

Of course, YouTube found out about this desire, because videos about motherhood, water births, and homeschooling started showing up on my feed. Yes, I am also interested in water births and homeschooling, but let’s save those topics for another time.

The desire to be a mom was not as prominent when I lived in NYC. I was focused on achieving financial independence, grinding and hustling between teaching and tutoring. Also, living with my mom and sisters since I graduated college, motherhood was never my first thought.

However, that changed once I moved to Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi is known for its serene atmosphere and family-centered communities. Whenever I go for a walk around my neighborhood or visit malls, I see families everywhere. Even going to mass every Sunday, a lot of the parishioners consist of parents and their children. It’s truly beautiful to see. Mothers and fathers model the traditions of the Mass, and children look to their parents for certainty on what is happening. It doesn’t always look so peaceful, though.

I remember sitting behind a couple with a child who was about 3 or 4. She was fidgeting around her seat, being her curious childlike self. However, she made a loud noise whenever her parents didn’t give her the attention she wanted. Her parents were shushing her and giving her a squishy toy to play with. This happened several times. Rather than looking worried or embarrassed for her child, she looked focused and grounded in who she was as she kept looking at the priest. She was confident even in the mess.

I thought to myself, “Wow, that’s what motherhood can do to you. I want that.”

Motherhood can help women grow into disciplined, confident, and mature human beings. That is what intrigues me so much about the vocation. It’s a vocation where through surrendering your selfish desires, you can be transformed into a stronger and better person. This is not to say that motherhood is the only path to personal growth. It’s one of many paths that women can take to get to their better selves. For me, I believe that becoming a mom is a path that I want to take to develop into a disciplined and confident woman.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my career. I’m a woman who is a leader at heart. I love teaching and one day see myself becoming an educational leader. I have taught for 10 years and given my students 110% of myself each year because I want to see them grow and become the best versions of themselves. This profession has enabled me to grow in ways I never knew before.

However, as I’m approaching marriage, I think God is unraveling a deeper desire for me. The desire to leave my profession and transition into being a full-time mom. Yes, I said it. I desire to be a stay-at-home mom where I can be fully present with my future children and instill the values they need to become successful human beings. This is the first time I’m writing this down and I want it even more now!

I will definitely face doubt now that this desire is clear. I will be asking myself questions like: How can I make this a reality? Is this possible for me?

These doubts will be on my mind, but I’m ready to embark on this journey of discovery with God. It’s scary because I have been working my whole adult life. I have never stopped working. However, I have to remind myself that if God has revealed this desire to me, He will give me the grace to fulfill it. I’m certain of that.

Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”